John was 18 and at the college he always dreamed of…a relatively small college in Pennsylvania. John could not wait until he graduated high school and would be able to start the next phase of his life. He anticipated making new friends and trying new activities. He was so excited the night before move-in-day, he could hardly fall asleep. As his parents helped him move everything into his dorm room, it was a bit emotional for everyone, as John was their first child leaving home for college. John’s college was only two-hours away from home, but this might as well been halfway around the world for his parents, as John never spent more than a week away from their home. Nevertheless, John and his parents said good-bye and his parents drove away, leaving John on his own. As John’s parents’ car disappeared from sight, a sinking feeling set in and that initial excitement turned into fear and anxiety. In a moment John’s confidence turned into doubt and this was a very scary feeling. He wasn’t sure what to do, so he went to his room, watched TV and played on the computer.
Over the next few days John went from class to his dorm and called his parents a few times a day. John was sad, uncomfortable, and to him, all the other freshmen had made friends besides himself. A week into his first semester at college, John called home and told his parents he wanted to go home and transfer to the local state college. Although his mom and dad felt terrible for John and of course did not want him to be upset, they told him 5 simple words…”Just give it one semester”. Although frustrated with their response, John obliged.
A week later, a dorm mate of John’s asked him to go to the local Sports Authority with him. Although John had nothing to buy there, he was so eager for some type of companionship he jumped at the opportunity. Through this trip, John discovered that he had a lot in common with the guy living down his hall, and he was able to introduce John to the group of his friends at the school. John finally became more comfortable at college and his entire outlook was changed. John ended up loving his four years at school and regards it as the best time of his life.
This is a true story of a colleague of mine and her first child to go off to college. For the parents out there who will be sending their first child off to college in the coming months, it will surely be an emotional time for everyone involved. Feelings of doubt, fear, uneasiness, and an increased level of stress are all VERY common for parents and teenagers during the transition from home to college. It is only natural that a big change like this will induce these uncomfortable feelings.
However, for almost everyone, these feelings will go away, as teenagers just need to give it time! I think it is very important for freshmen to stick it out at least one semester. Too often, students will give-up after only a few weeks, never really giving it a chance. It is also essential that parents are there to support their children, communicate with them during the process, and also push them to keep trying at their school. Students put a lot of work into the college search process, and they chose their school because something felt right. Whatever they felt did not abandon them, students just need to keep a positive outlook!
So parents and students, please click on the link below from the NYU Child Study website that lists numerous tips for parents and teenagers dealing with the transition from being at home to living at college. Enjoy the reading and I hope it helps: NYU website.
Joseph D. Korfmacher, MA
